time's up

I'm happy!

I was on leave the entire saturday, finally.

• Brought cookie for basic grooming
• Had my Hepatitis B injection, last dose
• Nap
• Dinner with Jialian and Martin then bowling at Safra
• Mahjong with Martin, Derick and Siming

and sunday, i recieved an sms at 5:26am. - "I'm back. is time to double kill".

And guess what, it was from Vincent Lim. He's finally back from his Shanghai trip.

(double kill? don't copy my quote. but now, i prefer triple kill.)

• slept the whole morning
• bought furnitures from Courts with mama chia
• dinner with jialian, little ethan and vincent
• chatted with vin till 10plus

we're in the car so excuse for the poor quality pics.

my mood fluctuates over a phone call (that devastating news). i didn't know i was so detestable till such state. I over-estimate myself too much sometimes, and in the real world, there's no such thing as turning back. Ive been thinking about you the entire day and at the same time reminding myself that you are away, too far away..

I just want you to be happy, but would you really be?

All the promises that we used to make, nobody remembers them anymore. What happened? What happened to our circle of trust?

"Get over it Clara, you need to do that in order to proceed."

Everyone's telling me the same thing, do you reckon i dont know this simple logic? I mean..words are cheap, its easier said than done.

How hard have i tried? Ive been trying all these while, trying all my life.

Its not that complicated really, its just .. different.

I cant seem to fall in love, so sweetly as how i did the last time. Falling in love with him, was so easy, so quick, so..sweet.

And i miss that feeling, i wanna feel it again. The kind of feeling which i have no control over, totally irrational but.. so sweet and so..easy.

But i just cant find anyone else who can make me feel this way. Not anyone else close to even feeling it this way. Sometimes i thought it was A, then i thought no..i should be B, but hey.. even C doesnt fit the bill.

I wanna get back that kinda love i had for him, that kinda magical feel thats totally indescribable. (definitely not him but on someone else)

But that someone else, is just not within my reach, not in my world!

I do admit, that after the last break up a year back, i did have feelings for some people, but that kind of love just feels so different and therefore there was never a beginning because its not the kind of feel ive lost and am searching for.

Why.. why even after hurting me and having to leave me do you still made it so difficult for me to go on.

How.. how did you make me feel so in love with you that no one else can make me feel the same way again.

I feel so haunted, so haunted by the past love, a love that past but a feeling that i dont wanna forget, a feeling that i wanna have with the next love of my life.

I didn't wanna blog it out but I reallly need to vent it out before I break down. If not for that call, I'll probably be indulging with my singlehood life instead of ranting and even reminiscing over the past now.

Well, all thanks to you - Exactly 1 year. I feel a sudden pinch in my heart, then im determined to do better. the kind of support you've been giving me; i think it works this way. so please. do as great, be as successful as you can. because, and so that i can surpass that level of greatness and success.

anyway im looking forward to a complete change in lifestyle. i dont know what that might sacrifice, but if need be, im more than willing to sacrifice some things.

i am really looking for a breakthrough now. and i do wish it'd be so in a few months' time.

We'll see..

cos, you are so beautiful. and i just had the most beautiful dream about you.

p/s: congrats and all the best, uixoeix. time's up, just remember i love you once.